we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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