D3 body, D1 cock
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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