Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
