So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Everything about him screamed your future.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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