All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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