I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
