had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
