paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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