wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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