i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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