I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
