he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize