My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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