I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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