Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
