Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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