sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
