Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
