the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
