God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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