cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
