Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
time to smoke my breakfast
She even gives head with a lisp.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
