The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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