She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
