I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
