but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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