I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
