i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
