He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
