I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
