I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
