i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
