I'm really into asian looking animals
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
