I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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