Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
