Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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