Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
