she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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