we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
