my vag is so smooth its legendary
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
