Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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