Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
