:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
