Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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