i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
