i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
