i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
