Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
