did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
