you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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