i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
