When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
