me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
