There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
