She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
