That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
