so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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