I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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