Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
