they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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