My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
