Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
