Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
