I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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