Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
