pop tarts are not kleenex
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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