Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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